The Top 7 Games To Play When You’re Drunk

So, a while back, I posted up, ‘The Top 7 Games To Play When You’re Hungover’. Now, we all know how to get to that stage, and that would be with the help of our little friend alcohol. Having some friends round for a game quickly devolves into a debauchery of laughing, crying and generally behaving badly. Now, depending on what games you choose to play, the night can end in one of two ways. Quite often, life-long friendships are broken, little pieces of gamepads can be found scattered around the room and heads are deposited in buckets. Sometimes though, you find the perfect combination of games, the night goes swimmingly and the house is filled of happy drunks, attempting to build a cushion fort in attempt to recreate their favourite minecraft creations. One thing, as we all know, drunken solo gaming isn’t fun, so these games have to be fun with friends. So without further ado, let’s begin!

7. Portal 2

Take an amazing co-op experience, that burns through your mind ’til there is nothing left…then add alcohol. Most of you won’t really need me to explain why this is such a good idea. Personally, I was already pretty good at failing at this game whilst sober, but with an extra lack of co-ordination and the attention span of a helpless zombie child, this game becomes a huge testing death trap.

Using's quite important

Using portals…it’s quite important

Now, the huge issue with this, is that for many, this can be very frustrating. The walls of aperture science may close in on you and make you feel like you’re in a prison, not playing a game. However, if you can take a humorous look on life, and learn to laugh at your lack of life, there aren’t many better games to test out your drunken logic skills.

6. Gears of War 3

Whether you’re playing on versus, beast or horde mode, Gears of War 3 is a blast to play with friends. Running away from boomers and giant brumaks causes waves on insanity to ensue upon your friends. Every limb blown off a body causes screams and cheers from the room, as the blood spatters across the screen.

Drink This!

Drink This!

Now, as many things in life, the boozing merely makes all of this better, making you worse at the game makes everything more frantic as you struggle to aim down the scope, let alone blow the eyeballs out of your enemies. Not to mention, when you’re all disoriented, you’ll be surprised how many enemies suddenly appear behind you, it’s like they perfected teleportation or something.

5. Fifa (Insert Appropriate Year Here)

Behind all the clever tactics, the team manipulation and the silly little tricks, Fifa is a very simple game. You have 3 options, you can majestically run the ball through the team, resulting in a glorious goal. You could end up kicking the ball into the face of a poor spectator. Or you may just end up breaking the legs of an unsuspecting player, as you accidentally dropkick their dignity in the face.

Not the best of tactics

Not the best of tactics

Now, with alcohol, this become very clearly obvious, as the teams become uncoordinated shambles, and the managers, sitting behind their television screens become screaming baboons. As the players are suddenly ‘ignoring their commands’ and mystically aiming the ball in the wrong direction, because that’s clearly the best tactic. Plus, the one thing better than scoring a last-minute winner, is scoring it when drunk…and all the flamboyant showboating that comes along with it.

4. Mario Kart: Double Dash

Now, yes, I realise that this version isn’t the newest entry in the franchise, however, it is personally one of my favourites. If Mario Kart wasn’t crazy enough, what with all the blue shells, hunting you down in the name of injustice on the last lap, Double Dash ramped it up even further. Putting 2 racers in each car is genius, plus, with the addition of special weapon for each character duo. The game became a tactical choice of weaponry, as well as giving the player the task of switching players out at the best time in order to create a race with so many crashes, it puts NASCAR to shame.

You'll have about as much control as baby luigi

You’ll have about as much control as baby Luigi

If this hasn’t already convinced you, think about it. If none of this would already be manic enough for drunken fools to deal with, how about you play 2v2, forcing players to team up and race in the same kart, controlling one character each. Making two flummoxed brains co-ordinate ends in hilarity, and quickly leads to teammates screaming at each other. Whether it be for foolishly throwing the precious red shell into a gaping chasm, or for the driver not taking the corner right and ending up in the chasm themselves, there are tons of screw ups, making the already crazy game, even more unpredictable, and downright fun.

3. Timesplitters: Future Perfect

Okay, so yes, there are plenty of FPS games that are more recent, or arguably better than Timesplitters, however, for me, this is still the one to beat for good, old-fashioned, unadulterated fun. Halo may have more modes, Far Cry 3 may look much prettier and Call of Duty may have more…12 year olds lining up to scream at you, but when it comes down to grabbing some friends and a couch, no FPS does it for me like this game.

Watermelons...because what else would a monkey carry?

Watermelons…because what else would a monkey carry?

I’m not sure if it’s the stupid characters, the even more stupid AI, the crazy guns and power ups, or simply the announcer, this game was seemingly made to be played with friends, and alcohol sitting right by your side.  I mean, the feeling you get from planting a bullet in the face of a giant gingerbread man is good enough, but add in a hammering voice of the gods, shouting ‘lobotomy!’ as you do it…it’s good enough to make master chief smile.

2. Super Smash Bros. Brawl

It seems like Super Smash Bros. Brawl is what you get when you try to make a glorious lovechild of Street Fighter and Mario Kart. You may have the ability to meteor smash somebody in the face so hard that they crash down in to the Mushroom Kingdom and demolish peach’s castle. Thing is though, you know that when you do, you’re sure to be hit square in the face by a flaming football, ready to send you into whatever monster clearly lurks at the side of the screen, just out of sight.

Yoshi showing Mario how it feels

Yoshi showing Mario how it feels

I don’t really know what it is about this game that makes playing it drunk so much fun…maybe just all of it. The randomness, the inability to see what’s really happening, the mad rush for the smash ball (that results in several miscalculated suicides) or the eery ability of alcohol to make everything seem even crazier. There’s no real explaining this one, so I guess you’ll just have to try it out yourself.

1. Wario Ware: Smooth Moves

What could be better than landing a falcon punch on an unsuspecting friend? How about hitting them in the face with a wiimote so hard, that they actually leave with a nose not dissimilar to that of Wario himself. Now I admit, this game isn’t fantastic, it will grant a normal being a few moments of enjoyment, and then they’ll move on, likely to never touch the game again. That however, proves to be a huge mistake.

Insert where exactly?

Insert where exactly?

When you can grab 7 other stumbling wanderers to join you in your microgame madness, this game transforms from a frog into a magical, embarrassing, hilarious prince. With a fast paced, 8 player knockout mode, this game really shines, not only do you have to drunkenly try to figure out what the game wants you to do (in the space of 5 seconds), you also have to pull stupid poses whilst doing so. This means that half of the fun doesn’t even come from playing the game. Watching your friends flail about the room with the wiimote stuck in all sorts of positions starts to steal the show, and you know, when that happens, you truly have a great night ahead of you.

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