Now I’ve already written about 5 songs from videogames that could double for workout tunes. But they say that love makes the world go round, working out, not so much. So I thought I’d show the top 5 videogames songs you could probably get away with playing while wooing or horizontal hugging a member of the opposite sex.
Metal Gear Solid 3 – Snake Eater.
I picked Snake Eater for one reason, it really, really sounds like an euphemism for a blow job wrapped in a love song, which of course, makes it a fantastic love song. It’s also a pretty bitchin song in itself, because nothing represents a love better than climbing a ladder for 5 minutes straight, they both have you end up light headed with sore wrists.
Pokemon – Trainer Red’s theme.
You may think 8 bit music doesn’t belong in the bedroom, but love songs are about symbolism and it’s almost guaranteed you’ll come against an insurmountable red enemy in the bedroom. It’s at those times you need to realise that sometimes, winning is all about looking after yourself and your Pokemon (penis). That’s symbolism, or fan fiction, I forget.
Kingdom Hearts 2 – Dearly Beloved.
They say love is like a delicate flower, I don’t know who “they” are, but I never believed them. Dearly Beloved changed the shit out of my mind when it gave me the opposite of an erection and made me cry a single, manly tear. It’s the kind of song you play when you and your partner are just lying there, staring at the ceiling, or sky if you’re the kind of weirdo who goes outside. Then again, it’s also the kind of song you could play while watching people take shots to the nuts, it’s that good. Seriously, try it.
Tekken Tag Tournament 2 – Piano intro.
This is the kind of song you could have on loop and never notice, which is exactly what makes it a great song to have on in the background. You can hear it, you can pick out bits that are pretty awesome but at no point do you ever think, “hey this bit rocks” because it all kind of rocks. Plus, you’ll always have the image of a man punching a kangaroo to death in the back of your head, which we all know causes the strongest of erections.
Final Fantasy X – To Zanarkand.
To Zanarkand is like every sad song ever written joined together to have a baby and then it miscarried. This song doesn’t belong in a videogame, it belongs on the iPod of every man ever in case he needs to cry to prove he’s sensitive or something. Seriously, just play this song out loud, listen to it all the way through while sitting, looking somber. You’ll be mistaken for a french movie star by at least 3 people,